


Thought Of You

by orphan_account



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Time Travel, iridae, mark/yugyeom so slight it barely matters, mentions of jb/jinyoung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22995037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jinyoung slips through the cracks of time like water. Mark remains rooted, watching and waiting for the day when his love will come home.
Relationships: Park Jinyoung/Mark Tuan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

  


  
  
  
The first time Mark Tuan and Park Jinyoung meet is in the school playground, when Mark is six years old and Jinyoung is five. Mark is playing quite happily on his own, being very quiet because he doesn’t want any of the other boys and girls in his class to join his trading card game (for which he’s created his own rules, and explaining those to anyone else would be far more effort than it’s worth), when suddenly there is a flash of bright white light nearby where Mark is sitting and Jinyoung is stood before him, just like that.  
  
Mark doesn’t scream or cry at the sudden materialisation of this stranger (Mark _never_ screams _or_ cries, because he’s a big boy and Mama says big boys have to be big and brave like that), but his eyes do go really wide and he shrinks down very small in the hopes that the strange boy won’t see him. The boy does see him, of course, having appeared almost directly in front of Mark’s spot, but thankfully he doesn’t do anything scary. Instead, he offers Mark a big smile and asks what his name is, and Mark decides to respond because that is the polite thing to do even if Mark doesn’t really want to.  
  
Mark tells the boy that his name is Mark, and the boy tells Mark that his name is Jinyoung and then he asks if Mark is playing a game. Mark says yes, but he is playing this game on his own right now. Jinyoung looks a bit sad about that for a moment, then asks if maybe he can play, too, and he promises not to ruin anything, so after having a long think about it Mark decides to let Jinyoung join in after all.  
  
As the boys play, they talk to each other, and Mark learns that Jinyoung is a time traveller. He is from a time in the future, and he came to Mark’s time in the white flash, and Mark has no problem believing that whatsoever because he doesn’t think Jinyoung has any reason to lie. Besides, Mark just saw it happen, didn’t he? Mark tells Jinyoung that he’s never known anybody who can time travel, but he did do some karate lessons in the summer, so it’s not like Mark is very impressed with Jinyoung’s time travel or anything. Jinyoung says that’s very cool; Jinyoung doesn’t know anyone who can do karate, and, because Jinyoung says this, Mark tells a lie and says that he got a black belt even though he didn’t. Jinyoung doesn’t ask about it any more, though, so it’s okay.  
  
They play for around twenty minutes or so (they pretend to be dogs, and Jinyoung says he doesn’t like dogs very much but Mark likes dogs and it’s Mark’s game so Jinyoung doesn’t get to change the rules) before Jinyoung suddenly disappears again in the same white flash from before. Mark thinks of how strange it is just to vanish like that, because Jinyoung didn’t even give any sign that he was going to leave, but then the teacher blows the whistle that signals the end of break time and Mark runs to go back inside into the classroom and forgets about Jinyoung completely.  
  
Jinyoung remains forgotten until dinnertime later that day, when Papa asks Mark what he did today and Mark tells him all about it. Everyone listens very carefully to Mark’s story and they ask him some more questions about Jinyoung, but Mark explains that he doesn’t know much about him because Jinyoung is a time traveller and Mark doesn’t know anything about time travel. To that, Papa laughs his deep rumbly laugh and says that Mark’s made himself an ‘imaginary friend’, and that Mark must be the most creative six year old there ever was. Mark doesn’t know whether or not he’s supposed to get offended by this, but Papa hugs him real tight and smiles a lot so Mark guesses it must be a good thing, and that Jinyoung must just be Mark’s imaginary friend after all.  
  
So Mark accepts it; accepts that he and Park Jinyoung are friends now, and Mark is never ever scared when Jinyoung appears before him again.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
As the years go by and Mark grows older, Jinyoung keeps coming back to meet him. He looks a little bit older each time, gets a little bit taller and with each visit Mark feels them both becoming better and better friends.  
  
Even though Jinyoung never stays long – sometimes, only managing to stick around for about ten minutes – Mark feels like they’ve known each other for all their lives. Jinyoung has this knack of showing up just when Mark needs him, and no moment spent in Jinyoung’s company is ever a moment wasted. There’s never anything Mark would rather be doing and there’s nothing he would abandon one of these special visits for.  
  
Imaginary or not, Jinyoung becomes Mark’s best friend, and Mark knows he wouldn’t have it any other way.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
One Saturday in late September, just a few weeks after Mark’s tenth birthday, Jinyoung stays for almost two and a half hours. They spend the whole time playing video games in Mark’s room, talking and laughing and when Jinyoung is gone again Mark thinks that that might have been the most fun day he’s ever had.  
  
And then Jinyoung doesn’t come back.  
  
Months start passing—years, even—without even one visit from Jinyoung. It’s almost like Jinyoung doesn’t exist any more, the air is so still, and for a long time Mark simply can’t understand what’s gone wrong. Has Jinyoung abandoned him? Has he found a new boy to play with – a new _best friend_ to replace Mark with?  
  
Mark doesn’t know. Mark doesn’t think he’ll ever get to know, and, for some reason he can’t explain, that makes him angry. He’s angry, and upset beyond anything he’s ever experienced before. He feels utterly betrayed by the boy Mark once thought was his very best friend and Mark can’t stop thinking that this isn’t fair. Mark hasn’t done anything wrong—this isn’t fair, and he hates it. He shrinks back into himself for a while, refuses to talk even to his parents about it and vows that there has never _ever_ been a friend worse than Park Jinyoung.  
  
After a week or so, Mark gets over that.  
  
Eventually, he starts to think that maybe this separation wasn’t Jinyoung’s fault after all. It might not even be anything that Jinyoung has any sort of control over—Jinyoung is Mark’s imaginary friend, right? No one else has ever met him when he’s visited, and whenever Mark talks about him that’s what everybody says Jinyoung is—everything about him has come from Mark’s own mind, his imagination, so surely it’s Mark’s fault that he’s not around any more? Surely it’s Mark who’s forgotten about Jinyoung?  
  
_Has_ Mark forgotten about Jinyoung?  
  
He doesn’t know. He doesn’t _think_ so, since he’s pretty sure that Jinyoung is still a very prevalent feature in his thoughts, but Mark doesn’t know how this all works and he doesn’t know what else to believe. As the days go by and there’s still no sign of his friend, Mark resigns himself to the idea that Jinyoung is long gone. He thinks that maybe this is for the best; he’s probably getting too old for imaginary friends, now. No one at school has had an imaginary friend for years except for that weird boy nobody talks to— it’s probably time for Mark to stop waiting for Jinyoung to come back.  
  
By the time he’s fifteen years old, Mark has come to terms with this. He still thinks about Jinyoung every now and then – how could he not? – but it’s not as desperate as before. Finally Mark thinks he’s getting over it; he tells himself that he doesn’t have to wait for anyone, and he’s almost fully dropped that habit.  
  
Everything’s going fine.  
  
Then Jinyoung comes back.  
  
Mark doesn’t know what triggers it – Mark doesn’t know if there’s any sort of trigger at all for this time travel business – it’s just that one moment Mark is standing at his window one night when he can’t sleep, gazing idly up at the stars in the sky when suddenly a burst of light on the street below makes him look down.  
  
For a second, Mark thinks he’s dreaming.  
  
After so many years, it feels like Jinyoung should have changed much more than he has. Of course, he’s older now, and taller and much leaner and generally he looks more like a _man_ than when Mark last saw him at nine years old, (he looks less like Mark remembers him and more like the person Mark sees in the mirror nowadays, spots and all) but he’s still so _Jinyoung_. The face is the same, the big brown eyes that are currently staring in bewilderment and slight fear at the alien world around him.  
  
It takes Mark far too long to realise that this is real, that Jinyoung is _real_ , but when he does Mark can’t get the window open fast enough. “Jinyoung! _Jin_!”  
  
Jinyoung whirls around in alarm at the sound of his name, then stares up at Mark like he can’t believe his eyes. Mark knows exactly how he feels. “Holy _shit_!”  
  
“What are you doing here?!” Mark is hissing down from the second floor of his family’s house as loud as he dares, too scared to chance waking anyone up in case they send Jinyoung away. He’s not sure that Jinyoung can hear him properly, but he answers the question anyway.  
  
“I have no idea!”  
  
“Fuck, it’s like 1am, do you… Have you got anywhere to stay?”  
  
“No, I travelled here.”  
  
Mark sweeps his bedroom with one fleeting glance and silently despairs at how untidy it is, but he can also feel how cold it is outside; there’s no way he can leave Jinyoung out there to fend for himself. “Do you want to come up?”  
  
“What, seriously?”  
  
“Well you can’t stay out there!”  
  
“No- Mark- don’t worry about it, I’m fine—I’ll probably travel back in an hour or so, I don’t mind-”  
  
“An _hour_? No, Jinyoung, don’t be fucking stupid. I’m letting you in, okay? Stay there.”  
  
Mark practically sprints through his bedroom door and down the stairs, practically falling down the last four steps in his determination to get to Jinyoung before he disappears again. Mark fumbles with the keys to the front door and cringes at all the noise he’s making, but his family don’t make a sound and finally, _finally_ Mark pulls the door open.  
  
Jinyoung is still there, stood awkwardly in the middle of the road like he doesn’t know whether or not he should be waiting for Mark at all, but he obeys when Mark waves him over insistently.  
  
It’s even weirder to see him close-up.  
  
“You’ve grown,” Mark notes.  
  
Jinyoung grins. “So have you. It’s been a while, huh?”  
  
Mark drops his gaze as he nods, murmuring; “I’ve missed you.”  
  
Jinyoung sighs. “Me, too.”  
  
_Why?_ Mark wants to ask. _Why were you away so long? Where did you go? Didn’t you want me any more?_ He needs answers, but Mark can’t bring himself to say it out loud – he’s too scared of what those answers might be. Instead, Mark pulls Jinyoung into a tight, warm hug, silently marvelling at the fact that they’ve never done this before but still it feels like they fit perfectly, awkward teenage bodies and all. It’s only now that Mark realises his pulse is racing—has been ever since he saw Jinyoung appear in the street—and there’s a curling in his tummy that he’s felt a couple of times here and there for some of the boys at school, but it’s never ever been this strong before. Mark’s heart beats hard, like it’s trying to escape from his chest, and now they’re so close Mark wonders if Jinyoung can feel it.  
  
(Mark hopes that Jinyoung feels the same way.)  
  
They go up to Mark’s room in silence, holding hands ever so gently, like Mark is afraid Jinyoung will turn into nothingness if he holds on too tight, as Mark leads Jinyoung through the dark house. He refuses to turn on the light once they’re safe in his bedroom, just in case it wakes his family up, so there’s only the single streetlight outside Mark’s window that drips rich orange light onto the scene as the boys both crawl into Mark’s cramped single bed.  
  
There’s nothing even remotely romantic about it, Mark thinks before he wonders why the hell he’s trying so hard to find _romance_ in this moment. They knock knees and bump heads and there’s more than one whispered curse word as they try to fit together on the mattress, but eventually they manage to settle. Jinyoung falls to sleep immediately—Mark wonders if he’s had a busy day back in his time—but Mark has never felt more awake. He can’t seem to stop himself from staring, taking in every detail of Jinyoung’s face, soaking in the warmth of his body, reminding himself over and over that this is _real_.  
  
There are no imaginary friends here — Mark wouldn’t be able to make up someone like Jinyoung even if he tried. This is real. He’s _real_.  
  
Jinyoung is real and he’s finally back, with Mark, where he’s supposed to be. How long it will last, Mark doesn’t know, but he’s determined to take in every second that Jinyoung is here. Eventually, sleep does come to claim him; exhaustion fixes itself onto Mark’s eyelids and drags them down until he’s completely lost in his dreams, but not before Mark finds Jinyoung’s hand under the duvet and holds it tight.  
  
By the time Mark wakes up in the morning, Jinyoung is gone.  
  
Mark isn’t upset – he expected it – but he can’t help feeling oddly hollow in his chest, almost as if there’s a piece of him missing, taken in the night. (But that can’t be right, because Mark looks around his room at all of his belongings and sees that the only thing he’s missing, here, is Jinyoung.)  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
Thankfully, that’s not the last time Mark sees Park Jinyoung.  
  
He starts coming back fairly regularly again, cheerful and happy as ever and Mark finds that the more he sees Jinyoung the better he starts to feel. He starts to look forward to Jinyoung’s visits again, finds himself jotting down notes of ‘ _things to tell Jinyoung_ ’ and trying to imagine what Jinyoung’s reactions to everything will be. Mark is rarely ever right, of course; Jinyoung is constantly in motion, in everything he does. He’s like water – if ever there is a crack in Mark’s fingers Jinyoung will slip through it. Whatever Mark expects from him, Jinyoung will always do the opposite.  
  
They’re a mess of contradictions when they’re together and Mark should hate it. If it were any of his other friends, Mark would _hate_ it, but with Jinyoung he doesn’t seem to mind. (As long as Jinyoung is there with him, Mark doesn’t seem to mind anything very much.)  
  
Having so much time to himself between visits, it’s only natural that Mark begins to wonder about Jinyoung’s world. How far in the future has he come from? Are things very different there? Can everybody travel, or is Jinyoung the only one? Sometimes Jinyoung is quite happy to answer Mark’s questions, but usually Mark is just met with a grimace and Jinyoung shaking his head apologetically.  
  
“I don’t know, Mark, I don’t know how much I can tell you,” Jinyoung sighs one day, “I know I’m not allowed to say much— a while ago I heard about this one guy who told someone he met in the past about our world in the future and stuff started to get really fucked up and-”  
  
“Wait, so there’s more of you who can do it? Travel, I mean?” Mark asks quickly, grasping at any shreds of information he can.  
  
Jinyoung just nods. “Yeah, but it’s still pretty rare and no one knows how to control it yet. I _definitely_ can’t. There are some theories going around, though.”  
  
“Like?”  
  
“Like… Someone—I think it was a woman?—said that it could be a kind of self-defence mechanism? Like, we travel when we’re in pain or danger or under stress or something. And I don’t know about travelling _away_ from my time, but I’ve definitely travelled _back_ for that before, so she must have something right,” Jinyoung explains, and Mark nods away beside him in quiet contemplation.  
  
They’re inside the big shopping centre in Mark’s home town, side by side on a bench outside a sandwich shop. No one pays them any attention and they don’t bother anyone else, so there’s no worry about discussing such a thing as time travel in public like this. Mark’s heard that the best place to hide is in the middle of a crowd; he just hopes that that logic will still apply if Jinyoung suddenly flashes away again before they’re alone.  
  
“I couldn’t travel when I was ill, either,” Jinyoung continues suddenly, and Mark turns to watch him curiously. “Remember when I didn’t come here for a long time? Like, a really long time?”  
  
Mark’s expression turns to one of alarm. “You were ill then? For all that time?!”  
  
“Yeah, that’s why I couldn’t come see you. It hurt too much.”  
  
“What was wrong with you?”  
  
Jinyoung opens his mouth to respond, then suddenly seems to catch himself making a mistake and closes it again. “What year is it?”  
  
“2009.” Mark replies, and Jinyoung starts shaking his head as if Mark’s just said something dirty.  
  
“Nope, can’t tell you,” Jinyoung says firmly, “you don’t have what I had here yet.”  
  
Mark squints at him. “What, you have new illnesses in the future? That’s shit.”  
  
Jinyoung shrugs. “Price of progress.”  
  
“And it lasted five years?”  
  
“With treatment,” Jinyoung nods, but quickly starts explaining further once he catches sight of the look on Mark’s face. “Don’t worry, though, it’s gone now. Like, for good; it’ll never happen again. We’ve at least evolved that far—now I’m _all yours_!” He says that last part in a stupid voice, nudging Mark in the side like he’s mocking him.  
  
Mark just rolls his eyes and shakes Jinyoung off, hoping as hard as he can that he looks nonchalant. “Lucky me.” Mark’s voice is so grim that it makes Jinyoung laugh, big and happy, falling onto Mark’s shoulder like the sheer force of his amusement is causing him to collapse. Mark pretends that he doesn’t enjoy this, either, and tries to shove Jinyoung away despite the huge grin on his own face. It takes a few moments for Jinyoung to calm down before the conversation can continue, and when it finally does Mark asks; “So there’s no way to control the travelling at all?”  
  
“Nah, not that they’ve found,” Jinyoung lets the last of his laughter out in a long sigh that sounds almost longing to Mark’s ears. “But I’ve got this friend back home—Jaebum—who’s really smart; he’s helping me figure out how to control it, so hopefully one day I’ll be able to stay in one place indefinitely. Or, at least control when I go.”  
  
“Okay… But if you do that, just… Don’t do anything stupid, yeah?”  
  
Jinyoung snorts another laugh. “What?”  
  
“Seriously!” Mark insists, the words tumbling out of his mouth at a thousand miles a minute in his anxiousness. “Your friend might be smart and all, but don’t start taking dodgy shit just to try and control what you can do. Something awful might happen to you and I wouldn’t even know because you’d stay in your time and, like, die or something and I’d still be waiting-”  
  
“Whoa! Mark!” Jinyoung raises his hands as if Mark is a spooked animal he’s trying to calm, letting out an awkward little laugh at the sudden, intense turn their conversation has taken. “If it was that bad that I was going to _die_ , I’m sure I’d find some way to tell you. Like I said, there’s more than just me—it can’t be so hard to just pass on a message or something. I’d never just leave you hanging like that, I promise. Okay?”  
  
Mark’s not so sure, because whatever happened in those years Jinyoung was gone must have been pretty damn serious and Mark never got any inkling of what happened. But Jinyoung seems pretty convinced, and Mark doesn’t want to upset him by pushing it further so he just nods his head in defeat and abandons the argument completely. Instead, then, Mark thinks about what it would be like if Jinyoung really did manage to get a hold on his power. If he really could stay here (Mark hopes he wants to stay here) forever—if they could be like this, best friends, _forever_ …  
  
Mark doesn’t say anything to Jinyoung, but he hopes this is possible, and suddenly it’s what he wants more than anything in the whole world.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
Mark is eighteen years old when Jinyoung starts to become a Problem.  
  
The Problem comes about because Jinyoung appears one evening just as Mark is about to leave for his friend’s eighteenth birthday party, and it doesn’t seem like he’ll be heading back to his own time very soon so Mark just decides to take Jinyoung along with him. He lets Jinyoung wear one of his shirts so he looks more party-ready (also because the shirt Jinyoung is currently wearing looks a little too out of place in Mark’s time, and while it doesn’t matter if strangers give them odd looks Mark doesn’t want to try to answer any questions his friends might have about Jinyoung’s questionable fashion), and that is where the Problem first makes itself known because Mark isn’t sure his heart is supposed to be jumping _quite_ so much at the sight of Jinyoung, his best friend, wearing Mark’s clothes.  
  
Still, the Problem is developing but it’s not an _issue_ , so Mark simply ignores it and the pair of them make their way to the party.  
  
From there, everything seems fine for a while. The party is lots of fun; good music, nice people and everyone seems completely smitten with Jinyoung. ( _As they should be_ , Mark thinks, but he would never dream of saying it out loud because he has long since promised himself that he will not help inflate Jinyoung’s ego to an even bigger size than it already is.) That’s not a problem at all, – in fact, Mark feels oddly proud about it as he watches Jinyoung work the room like he isn’t just some stranger who’s rocked up in a borrowed shirt and started drinking all the booze – the Problem really comes in when a couple of people here and there start to flirt with him.  
  
And Jinyoung flirts back.  
  
Now, this shouldn’t matter, and Mark knows that only too well. Jinyoung’s a big boy—seventeen, now, right?—and he’s perfectly capable of making decisions for himself. He can flirt with who he wants to, it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter.  
  
But it does matter.  
  
It matters a lot.  
  
Mark knows it’s wrong and he knows he shouldn’t be acting like this because Jinyoung isn’t _his_ in any sense of the word, but when one girl from Mark’s maths class starts _really flirting_ something green and angry flares up in Mark’s gut. It makes him grit his teeth so hard it’s almost painful, makes him clench his fists and his eyes see red. It makes Mark go marching over to Jinyoung, give both Jinyoung and the girl some transparent, lazy lie about having to go home right this second, then Mark takes his friend by the arm and they leave the party. Mark doesn’t even remember to say goodbye to the guy whose birthday it is until they’re already outside, and all of a sudden he’s burning with embarrassment and shame.  
  
Jinyoung, of course, finds it hilarious.  
  
“Oh my _god_ ,” he laughs as they’re walking down the street. Jinyoung’s voice is a little raspy from having to strain it to be heard over the music, and Mark hates how much he likes the sound of it. “What the hell happened _there_? Did you get jealous, big guy?” Jinyoung walks a little closer to Mark so he can jostle his arm playfully. “Mad that I was flirting with your girl?”  
  
Mark scowls as he pushes Jinyoung away. “Fuck off, she’s not my girl. I don’t like her—I don’t even know her.”  
  
“Oh, I _see_!” Jinyoung gasps dramatically, “So you were just jealous that all the girls found me hotter than you!”  
  
“Jesus Christ, shut up. I don’t care about that.”  
  
“Hey, it’s okay, man! I can help you up your game, no problem-”  
  
“ _Shut up, Jinyoung_!” Mark shouts, and finally Jinyoung is stunned into silence. Obviously he wasn’t expecting Mark to snap like he just did; Mark takes one look at Jinyoung’s surprised face, spots the realisation beginning to dawn on him and immediately stares right back down at the ground again.  
  
Mark picks up his pace like he’s hoping Jinyoung won’t be able to keep up and they won’t have to have this conversation, but of course it’s not that easy.  
  
“Wow. That really bothers you, doesn’t it?” Jinyoung asks, hurrying to stay in line with Mark on the dark path. “You really don’t like me flirting with people, do you? Do you? Hey- Mark- _hey_!” Here he grabs Mark’s arm and forces him to a standstill, pulling him around so they’re facing each other. So that now Jinyoung can look at Mark with these big, honest eyes and Mark can feel like an even worse person than he already does.  
  
He knew he’d fuck this up. “I’d never- I didn’t want to stop you having fun-”  
  
“Well maybe you should have, if it was such a big deal,” Jinyoung interrupts shortly, then shakes his head and lets out a breathy laugh to try and lighten the atmosphere a bit. “Listen, Mark, you don’t… Don’t _worry_ , okay? It’s not like I’m gonna… D’you know how this time travel thing works? I can’t choose where I go or who I appear to. The white flashes bring me here, to you and your time, because… I dunno, we’re fucking fated or something. I don’t know why. But what I _do_ know is that, even if I did have the choice, I’d still choose you every time. Okay? You’re my best friend, Mark Tuan. You don’t need to act so crazy and insecure—you’re the only person I’m here for.”  
  
Mark takes a deep breath. “Okay.”  
  
“Okay,” Jinyoung is grinning now, and as they start walking again he reaches over and ruffles Mark’s hair fondly. “You’re so weird.”  
  
“Shut up,” Mark laughs, and Jinyoung seems satisfied with Mark’s mood now, even if it is a little forced.  
  
It’s then that Mark decides he needs to do something. He needs to say something, he needs to _do something_ to show Jinyoung that he’s not just fucking around. It’s not just friendship any more, not for Mark, and he’s working up the courage to say… _Something_ , and he’s just about to turn around and confess to how he really feels but then when Mark finally looks up—  
  
There is nothing and nobody beside him, just emptiness.  
  
Jinyoung is gone.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
The next time Jinyoung appears is a a fortnight later, and it’s the middle of the night. He bursts right into Mark’s room, catches his foot on something Mark has left strewn across his floor and falls across the bed. Mark jerks awake just as Jinyoung is scrambling upright again, apologising over and over in hushed tones for being _such a klutz_ but Mark doesn’t even register what Jinyoung is saying.  
  
All Mark can see in his sleepy haze is that Jinyoung is here. Jinyoung is here, in Mark’s bedroom, in the middle of the night. Jinyoung, who Mark hasn’t been able to stop thinking about since they last parted, who plays the starring role in all of Mark’s sweetest dreams and who Mark is pretty sure he’s hopelessly in love with. (Pretty sure he’s always been in love with, he just never figured it out until that last night they met.)  
  
Jinyoung is here, kneeling so that their faces are _so close_ —so that Mark can feel Jinyoung’s breath on his face and if he leans in just so… Mark can almost… Taste…  
  
This time when Jinyoung appears, it’s the first time they kiss, sleepy and slow and sweeter than anything Mark ever could have imagined. Then, when that’s over, Jinyoung leans right back in and they kiss again, again and Jinyoung’s climbing on the bed and over Mark’s body and that’s when Mark swears he must be dreaming because nothing in real life could possibly be this perfect.  
  
(But then, for the first time, Mark wakes the next morning to find that Jinyoung is still sleeping soundly, right there beside him, and Mark swears he has never been happier than he is right now.)  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
After that, Jinyoung comes back to Mark again and again on almost a daily basis, and soon enough they fall into something like romance.  
  
When you’re in love, Mark finds, time seems to just give up existing altogether. Not for Jinyoung, of course, who still hops from one time to another at random intervals, but for Mark the ‘slow path’ becomes anything but. Days go by like seconds, months like minutes and so on until whole years have passed since the beginning of their relationship. (Which remains a secret from Mark’s parents, half because Mark doesn’t come out to them for a long time and half because he has no idea how to explain the situation with Jinyoung and his travelling. So, Jinyoung remains a secret from Mark’s family, and he doesn’t give any indication that it bothers him at all so Mark doesn’t ever think it’s a problem. Ignorance is bliss, after all.)  
  
When he’s twenty years old, Mark moves out of his parents’ house and rents an apartment in the city. He gets a retail job that pays well enough to cover the bills as well as leaving Mark a little to spend on the side, although there have been a few times Mark has had to call on his parents to lend him some extra cash as well. Basically, Mark does his best to try and act like a Good Adult now he’s out on his own, and generally he thinks he’s doing a pretty good job at it.  
  
A better job than Jinyoung does, anyway.  
  
“Oh my god, don’t tell me it’s not- _ugh_! Why won’t it-? _Mark_!”  
  
The distress call pulls Mark out from in front of the TV and into the kitchen, where Jinyoung is currently glaring murderously down at his usual, evil arch-nemesis: Mark’s toaster.  
  
Mark heaves a sigh to disguise how much he wants to laugh. “What have you done now?”  
  
“It won’t toast! The thingy won’t go down!” Jinyoung whines, turning to face Mark with a pout. “I think it’s broken.”  
  
“It’s not broken,” Mark tells him, and reaches around Jinyoung to work the toaster himself. It works perfectly, of course, and for a few long moments Jinyoung just stands there and stares at it. He squints.  
  
“It hates me.”  
  
“It’s a toaster, Jin.”  
  
“It hates me!” Jinyoung insists, throwing his arms dramatically over Mark’s shoulders and slumping against his chest in defeat. “That and all the other freaking medieval shit you barbarians use in this time.”  
  
Mark snorts a laugh, his hands coming up to hold Jinyoung’s waist automatically. “What, and your toasters are so much better?”  
  
“Yes, actually, they are.”  
  
“Oh yeah, and how?” Mark demands to know, but he doesn’t get an answer to that one.  
  
Instead, Jinyoung just straightens up again and kisses him, pulling back after a minute to murmur; “Stop it, you know I can’t tell you about the future. Stop trying to trick stuff out of me.” Then he leans in again to nip at Mark’s lower lip, as what Mark presumes is his punishment for trying to be sneaky. It’s still stinging a little when Jinyoung pulls away and turns towards the toaster again, but Mark doesn’t mind so much; he can think of worse forms of torture.  
  
“You really won’t tell me anything?” Mark asks, voice heavy with disappointment even though it’s obvious he’s already resigned himself to the fact that he will never know what Jinyoung does about what’s to come. “Not even about a toaster?”  
  
“Nope, not even about a toaster,” Jinyoung confirms, popping the ‘p’ obnoxiously. “I’m not chancing anything.”  
  
“Unfair.”  
  
“Aw, you’ll live.”  
  
Mark heaves an exaggerated sigh and slips his arms around Jinyoung’s waist from behind, resting his chin on Jinyoung’s shoulder and falling into a contemplative silence as they both wait for Jinyoung’s toast to cook in the machine. Mark’s pretty sure Jinyoung has zoned out by now, so he pinches his tummy lightly to get his attention before asking; “What if I don’t live in your time?”  
  
Jinyoung twists his neck awkwardly so he can fix Mark with a frown. “What?”  
  
“You’re from the future, right? Well, am I alive there? Have you ever looked me up?”  
  
Jinyoung scoffs like that’s the most ridiculous idea he’s ever heard. “ _No_ , of course not!”  
  
Mark shakes him a little, pouting at Jinyoung’s reaction to his question. “Why not? I thought you loved me.”  
  
“I _do_ love you, that’s why I won’t look.”  
  
“Why not, though?”  
  
“For the exact reason you just said!” Jinyoung insists, starting to sound harassed and agitated. “Why would I want to know if you’re dead by the time I’m born? Why would I want to know the exact date and time that you die? I can’t change the future—I’d have no way of stopping it—all I’d be doing is counting down the days until I lose you and I _won’t do it_. I don’t want to know about that, Mark, it’ll drive me crazy-”  
  
“Hey, it’s okay! I’m sorry, Jin, I didn’t realise,” Mark says gently, holding Jinyoung a little tighter and feeling how tense he’s become from this conversation. Any more and he’ll probably flash away. “I didn’t think about it that way—I didn’t mean to upset you.”  
  
Jinyoung sighs and brings a hand up to rub at his eyes wearily. “No, I know, I just… I’ve thought about looking, honest, it just… It’s _scary_ , Mark, I don’t...”  
  
“I know, Jin, I’m sorry,” Mark murmurs, pressing a tender kiss to the side of Jinyoung’s neck comfortingly and looking up again when Jinyoung’s toast pops up. “At least the toaster isn’t broken, right?”  
  
Jinyoung smacks him in the arm and Mark laughs as he scoots away from any more attacks, mood lifted again as he heads back out of the kitchen to finish watching his TV show.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
In the November after Mark’s twenty-first birthday, when the retail world’s run-up to Christmas is just beginning, Mark asks his boss if he can leave work early one Friday afternoon because he has a very important date to keep. His boss rolls her eyes but lets him go anyway, and Mark all but runs down to the big outdoor ice rink that’s been put up in the centre of town, checking his watch even though he knows he’s early and Jinyoung probably won’t be there yet.  
  
An inconvenient cold has sent Jinyoung’s travelling haywire, and one week after they thought he’d recovered it’s still not working like it used to. As a result, Jinyoung has had to stay in his time whilst he and his clever friend Jaebum try to get his travelling under control—the last time Mark saw Jinyoung was sometime last week, when Jinyoung swore they’d have figured it out by now. He was so certain, in fact, that he told Mark to meet him at the ice rink and they’d have a celebratory ‘date night’.  
  
Mark was not and still is not anywhere near as confident as Jinyoung seems to be (Mark can’t force himself to trust in Jaebum’s alleged abilities to ‘ _figure shit out_ ’ until he’s met this genius in person, which he probably never will) but he goes to the ice rink anyway, and he sits and he waits and waits for his boyfriend to arrive. And, incredibly, Jinyoung does keep his promise; he appears all of a sudden only a little way away from where Mark is waiting and immediately comes rushing over to meet him.  
  
He’s only three hours late.  
  
“Hey, you made it!” Mark greets Jinyoung cheerfully despite how the cold night air has pretty much frozen all of his extremities. He chooses not to punish Jinyoung for this—half because he knows Jinyoung can’t help it, and half because he knows Jinyoung will feel terrible about it anyway.  
  
“I did! And my cold is completely gone,” Jinyoung grins right back at Mark, tucking his hands into his sleek leathery coat’s pockets and coming to a standstill in front of where Mark is sitting. “What time is it?”  
  
“Uhh, half-past seven almost? I think? The ice rink is closing soon.”  
  
Jinyoung’s smile drops immediately. “Oh my god.”  
  
Mark sighs. “Don’t worry about it-”  
  
“We were meant to meet at half four.”  
  
“I know, Jin, but it can’t be helped. Let’s just-”  
  
“No- Jesus Christ, Mark, why are you _still here_?!”  
  
Mark fixes him with a Look. “Jinyoung. Calm down.”  
  
“Why do you always wait for me?!” Jinyoung asks, lowering his voice now but still just as demanding, almost indignant.  
  
Mark just shrugs back at him. “I want to. I love you.”  
  
“You can’t always be waiting, it’s not fair.”  
  
“Well you’ll probably get here quicker next time!” Mark says, getting to his feet stiffly, his body practically numb from the cold. He ignores it, though, and hooks an arm through the crook of Jinyoung’s elbow, steering him around and towards the ice rink. “Now are we gonna skate or not, before the place closes?”  
  
Jinyoung grumbles for a little while more, but he does give in and date night finally goes on as planned. They pay the extortionate prices the ice rink offers for rented skates and go waddling onto the ice, both of them reaching similar levels of I-cannot-skate-at-all-but-I-want-to-think-I’m-better-than-you-are at more or less the same moment.  
  
Safe to say, there’s a lot of falling.  
  
“I thought you said you could do this?” Mark teases, even as he only narrowly manages to stop himself slipping over by grabbing onto the side.  
  
“I thought you said you could?!” Jinyoung laughs, then immediately slips, misses the side and ends up flat on his back. “ _Ow_! _Fuck_!” Jinyoung grimaces, but he’s still laughing and he hasn’t flashed away so Mark assumes he’s not really hurt.  
  
It’s almost closing time for the ice rink, apparently, since there are only three other people here aside from Jinyoung and Mark. The man who rented the skates to them is shutting his little shop and it’s probably time the pair started heading home, but Mark can’t even entertain the idea. He’s having too much fun, here with Jinyoung for the first time in weeks.  
  
Mark’s missed him too much to go home just yet.  
  
“Mark. Oi!” Jinyoung whines, interrupting Mark’s thoughts. Mark looks down to see Jinyoung flapping his hand at him pitifully, lying helpless on the ice like an overturned turtle. Jinyoung pushes his bottom lip out in the mother of all sad pouts and holds both hands up to Mark hopefully. “Help me up?”  
  
Mark rolls his eyes but takes his hands anyway and starts to pull Jinyoung up— at least, Mark tries to. What actually happens is that as soon as Mark begins pulling, he loses his balance on the ice and goes toppling over as well, only just managing to avoid landing on Jinyoung as Mark hits the ground. Mark lets out a loud groan. “Oh my _god_ …”  
  
Jinyoung’s laughing again, rolling over to sling an arm across Mark’s waist and kiss Mark’s cheek sweetly, like they’re cuddling up in bed and not all cold and bruised in the middle of an ice rink. “Ouch. Sorry about that.”  
  
“This was the worst idea you’ve ever had.” Mark grumbles, but Jinyoung’s high peal of laughter in response sets Mark off as well, and soon they’re in hysterics on the ice. The skate rental man is calling for them to come off, now, because the rink is closing, and Jinyoung gives him a wave to show that he’s been heard but neither of them move.  
  
They’ll probably just fall over again if they even tried.  
  
“Next date night we’re ordering pizza,” Jinyoung decides, his breath making little puffs of mist in the cold night air.  
  
Mark nods his approval, closing his eyes and thinking about how much his butt hurts right now from landing on it so hard. “And a movie.”  
  
“If it’s any good I’ll probably have already seen it,” Jinyoung points out, somewhat smugly.  
  
Mark shrugs. “Tough, you can watch it again. Next date night is pizza and a movie, at _home_. No physical activities.”  
  
Jinyoung snorts. “No physical activities that don’t involve a bed, you mean. Or the couch.”  
  
Mark lets out one loud burst of laughter at that. He should have seen it coming. “Of course.”  
  
They finally drag themselves upright when the rental guy starts shouting again, angrier this time, and they leave the rink with very sheepish, guilty looks on their faces. They feel bad for wasting his time, of course, but after such a good day the guilt doesn’t last long; soon enough they’re walking home hand in hand, laughing and joking, often at the rental man’s expense. Mark’s not proud of it, but he isn’t a good enough person to really regret anything they’ve done tonight.  
  
“I’m glad we did this, y’know,” he tells Jinyoung at one point, slinging his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders and pulling him closer as they walk. “I’m glad you could make it. Even if you were late.”  
  
Jinyoung scowls in response, but there’s not much feeling behind it. Nothing can sour their good moods completely. “Shut up, I already apologised for that. Anyway, I’m just glad that I’ve finally found someone who’s worse at ice skating than I am.”  
  
Mark shoves Jinyoung away from him in fake indignation for that, but he’s quickly grabbing onto Jinyoung’s hand again and pulling him back in as they bicker playfully. And that’s how they stay for the entire walk home.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
"Christmas with the Tuans... This is gonna be the first time they really meet me, isn't it?" Jinyoung asks, and Mark lets go of a tense sigh as he nods.  
  
It's Christmas day, around four in the afternoon. They're currently speeding along in Mark's car towards his home town—towards a house full of Mark's family and completely devoid of excuses if Jinyoung happens to flash away during this trip.  
  
Mark is happy to have Jinyoung here for Christmas, of course, but he can't say the thought of everything that can go wrong here doesn't have him more than a little freaked out.  
  
"Are you sure you don't want to go back to your own time for this?" Mark asks anxiously, "Won't your family wonder where you are?"  
  
Jinyoung shakes his head. "They know where I am. They know all about you, y'know."  
  
"They do?!"  
  
"Not _everything_ ," Jinyoung promises, "but they know quite a lot. They know I have a boyfriend who isn't from our time."  
  
Mark glances at him quickly before fixing his bewildered gaze back on the road. "And they're alright with that?"  
  
"They know it can't be helped," Jinyoung shrugs. "Anyway, I thought you liked the idea of me meeting your family? I don't have to go if it makes you nervous-"  
  
"No, it's not that," Mark interrupts hastily, shaking his head like he's trying to shake away the nerves. "It's too late to back out now, anyway; Mama bought a bigger turkey, just... Please don't flash out in the middle of dinner. I don't know how to explain that to everyone else — I can’t see them being as comfortable with it as your family might be."  
  
Jinyoung rolls his eyes. "Don’t be stupid, I won't flash out."  
  
Mark pulls a face like he doesn't believe in Jinyoung's confidence, but he's going along with it anyway. "Good. Please don't."  
  
"Hey, stress triggers it, remember?" Jinyoung says, reaching over with one hand to massage Mark's shoulder comfortingly. "So if you don't want me to travel, you're gonna have to _calm down_. Come on— think of something else. Tell me about your mum."  
  
Mark pulls a face. He's not quite falling for it. "What about her?"  
  
"What's she like?" Jinyoung prompts. "You said she bought extra food for me, so she already sounds like a doll. Is she nice? How should I introduce myself?"  
  
Mark rolls his eyes. "Well I wouldn't start with the time travel..."  
  
Jinyoung lets out a loud bark of laughter. "Right, I should start with, 'Hey Mrs Tuan! We've never met before, but I was in your house, fucking your oldest son on a daily basis for the last few years he lived here!'"  
  
Mark looks at Jinyoung with more alarm than when he thought Jinyoung might disappear in the middle of family time. "Park Jinyoung, if you start shouting to my family about our sex life I swear to god-"  
  
"'And I should let you know, ma'am, that your boy was simply _magnificent_ -!"  
  
"Alright, first: fuck you. Second: you're welcome," Mark says, turning back to the road and finally forgetting about his worries when he hears Jinyoung's loud, unabashed laughter from the passenger seat.  
  
Maybe today won’t be so bad in the end, Mark thinks. But he’s not leaving Jinyoung alone with Mama for one second.  
  
  
  
As it turns out, there’s no time for Jinyoung to chat with Mark’s mother.  
  
From the moment the door to Mark’s old home opens the world becomes a flurry of movement and sound. It’s not a small house by any means, but the amount of people here make Mark feel immediately claustrophobic, and he’s grateful for the opportunity to disappear upstairs after a quick moment greeting his parents. Mark leads Jinyoung straight to his old bedroom (Jinyoung doesn’t even bother pretending that he doesn’t know where it is) and shuts the door firmly behind them, breathing a sigh of relief as the noise from downstairs is muffled into near silence.  
  
Jinyoung lets out a low whistle when he realises how quiet everything suddenly is, impressed. “Thick walls?”  
  
“Soundproof,” Mark nods, “you never noticed?”  
  
Jinyoung shrugs, looking around the place nonchalantly. “Must have been distracted. Although I guess we would have gotten caught if they weren’t—Jesus, _nothing_ has changed in here, has it?”  
  
Mark pulls a face at the question, slipping the backpack containing all of their clothes and toiletries off of his shoulder and onto the bed. “Some stuff has changed.”  
  
“Like what?” Jinyoung scoffs, “Other than the fact that I can actually see the floor?”  
  
Mark rolls his eyes. “Shut up.” But still, Jinyoung’s not wrong.  
  
Aside from the absence of everything Mark took with him when he moved out, and the fact that Mama has obviously been in to tidy up since Mark’s been gone, his old bedroom is still exactly the same as it was when he’d been living in it. The bed is in the same place, the desk with all of Mark’s old CDs stacked on top and the row of DVDs lined up perfectly straight on a shelf against the far wall. It’s all still here, and it makes Mark sort of uncomfortable to look at for reasons he can’t explain.  
  
“It’s like a shrine. To the _favourite son_!” Jinyoung comments, putting on a mocking voice as he does so and Mark cringes as he realises that that’s exactly what’s been bugging him about this. Obviously, it’s not true — Mark’s parents have never played favourites between their kids — but this room certainly paints them in an odd light, in Mark’s eyes.  
  
“Great observation, Jin. Thanks so much for that.”  
  
“You’re welcome, babe,” Jinyoung replies lightly, sardonically, oblivious to or just uncaring of Mark’s discomfort. Jinyoung wanders around the room for a moment, reacquainting himself, before he stops in front of the bed, looking down at it curiously. A moment passes before he looks up again, meeting Mark’s gaze with a mischievous twinkle in his eye that Mark knows only too well. “D’you think the bed still feels the same?”  
  
Mark ignores the spark of interest he feels in his gut in favour of fixing Jinyoung with a very serious Look. “We’ve got to be ready for dinner in an hour, Jin.”  
  
“That’s plenty of time!” Jinyoung insists, grinning like he’s gotten his way already even though Mark is at least forty-percent sure that nothing in his expression has betrayed how much he’s up for this right now. “That door still locks, right?”  
  
“Someone will hear us.”  
  
“Soundproof walls.”  
  
“...Dammit.”  
  
Then, before Mark can find a reason to stop himself, he’s flipped the lock and they’re on the bed and end up being late for dinner.  
  
  
  
Dinner is busy and loud and generally an experience Mark is sure he never wants to go through again.  
  
It seems as if his parents have invited every single relative they could find to join them for the festivities, some of whom Mark is sure he's never met before in his life. They all seem to be very familiar with him, though, and after a few drinks become comfortable enough to make loud, often borderline-insulting jokes about Mark's sexuality. Why Mark had expected any different, he doesn't know. Still, there's no witty line he hasn't heard before and no uncomfortable questions that he and Jinyoung can't just laugh off, sharing a few glances every now and then just to confirm that they both hate that one uncle with the same vehemence.  
  
Other than that, the reaction from the family members Mark actually cares about is a good one; Mark's parents and siblings adore Jinyoung, naturally, and Jinyoung clearly loves all of the attention they give him. They only seem to love Jinyoung more when he demands to know every embarrassing story about Mark’s childhood that they can recall, and Mark ends up staring down at the tabletop, stubbornly ignoring the flush on his cheeks, as his mother goes on and on about what an ‘odd teenager’ he was;  
  
“You know, Mark used to spend _all of his time_ studying!” Mama gushes, and Mark knows what’s coming and knows that there’s nothing he can do so he just accepts his fate and smiles along miserably. “He’d be up so late revising that sometimes he’d lock his door at random times in the day and be napping for _hours_! No matter how loud we shouted for him, he’d never come out.”  
  
(Jinyoung immediately recognises the situation, Mark can tell, but he manages to pass off his loud snort of laughter as a short coughing fit. As soon as they have a moment to themselves, Jinyoung hisses incredulously; “ _Napping? Really?_ That’s _what you told her?_ ”)  
  
Finally, though, the conversation turns away from Mark and he can relax once more. He eats too much food and drinks just the right amount and starts to enjoy himself fully, feeling just a little bit happier every time he looks over and sees Jinyoung’s smiling face.  
  
It's the traditional Tuan family Christmas, and Mark would be lying if he said he hasn't missed this since he left.  
  
After dinner, it's time to open presents. Everyone has to be gathered in the living room to open everything together, as per tradition, and Mark gets sent away to track Jinyoung down just before everyone starts to get settled. Jinyoung had excused himself to go to the bathroom maybe five minutes ago, and Mark has since been assuming that he just got lost or distracted on the way back or something. But, when Mark makes his way around the whole second floor of the house, shouting Jinyoung's name and coming up with nothing, a cold feeling of dread starts to trickle down his spine and he pales slightly as he realises that something is definitely wrong, here.  
  
Jinyoung is gone.  
  
Something must have happened— perhaps he hurt himself, or something somehow scared Jinyoung enough to trigger his travelling. Mark doesn’t know. Mark never knows—Jinyoung could be anywhere. He's gone, vanished into thin air, and Mark has no idea how long it will last this time.  
  
Mark's whole family is still downstairs, waiting for him to return. Waiting for Jinyoung. What is he supposed to say? That Jinyoung is busy? They’ll wait for him. Someone else will try to find him—Mama will want to fuss over him like she does her own children, but she won’t be able to find him and Mark can’t tell her why not. Mark can't return to his family without him, but Jinyoung is gone.  
  
_Jinyoung is gone._  
  
There’s someone calling his name from downstairs and Mark starts to panic. They’re impatient, they’re still waiting for him but Jinyoung isn’t here and Mark can’t- Mark doesn’t know how-  
  
“ _Ow_! _Shit_!”  
  
A sudden burst of light, the sound of a minor crash and a pained hiss from behind him has Mark wheeling around in shock, but what he sees could make him cry with relief. Jinyoung has somehow managed to return, crash-landing just inside the doorway of Mark’s old bedroom. He’s still cursing to himself under his breath but then Jinyoung looks up to meet Mark’s gaze, and just from his expression Mark can tell that Jinyoung knows exactly what he’s done.  
  
“How late am I?” Jinyoung asks anxiously, limping ever so slightly as he hurries towards his boyfriend.  
  
Mark shakes his head and tries to swallow the ridiculous lump that must have started forming in his throat a few seconds earlier. “You- you’re not. What happened?”  
  
“Stubbed my fucking toe and set off the flash,” Jinyoung explains darkly, re-living the pain in his head for a second. He shakes it off quickly, though, and reaches up a hand to touch Mark’s face gently. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry-”  
  
“It’s not your fault,” Mark stops him automatically, taking hold of Jinyoung’s hand instead and pulling him back towards the stairs. “They’re all waiting for us, come on.”  
  
“Mark, I’m sorry.” Jinyoung says again, slightly louder this time and more insistently but Mark doesn’t turn around and he doesn’t say a word in response.  
  
This is just the way things are for them, and there’s nothing they can do about it.  
  
  
  
"I scared you back there, huh?"  
  
It's late. They're in Mark's room, getting ready for bed. At some point during the day, Mama or Papa must have come in and set up the camp bed that is now taking up most of the room on the floor, presumably for Mark to sleep in since Jinyoung is 'a guest' and so ‘deserves’ to get the bed that can probably only fit one of the men comfortably — which is surely the dumbest and most unfair rule in the world, because it’s not like Mark lives here any more either and so surely he is a guest as well.  
  
But there are no discussions or arguments about the matter, in the end; they both take the bed. It's too small to fit them both comfortably, but they're cuddlers and enjoy the extra warmth so neither Mark nor Jinyoung mind so much. The camp bed goes abandoned, but Mark can't see his parents really expecting that they'd use it in the first place.  
  
Jinyoung's question comes just as he's climbing into bed beside Mark, snuggling close and wrapping his arms tight around Mark's middle. Mark responds with a sigh, burrowing his nose into Jinyoung's hair and closing his eyes as he says, "Don't worry about it. It wasn't your fault — I'm just glad you made it back."  
  
Jinyoung is quiet for a moment. "I'm gonna get better, y'know," he murmurs softly, sincerely and Mark has to stop himself from believing it too quickly. If he does, it'll only end up hurting him. "I'm working on it, I promise."  
  
"I know," Mark tells him, but he doesn't mention that he's heard Jinyoung promise this a million times before.  
  
He doesn't mention how none of what Jinyoung and his friend are supposedly doing to fix this problem seems to be working, and Mark doesn't mention that this won't be the last time Jinyoung makes promises he can't keep. There would be no point, after all, so for now they sleep, and Mark holds Jinyoung ever tighter with the thought that he might be gone by morning.  
  
  
  


∞  
  
  


  
  
  
---


	2. Chapter 2

  


  


∞

  
  
  
  
One day Jinyoung appears in Mark's apartment wearing a particularly remarkable shirt from his time. Jinyoung lands directly in between Mark and the TV, so his shirt is the first thing Mark's eyes meet, and he lets out a low whistle at the sight of it.  
  
He might be a considerable amount of years behind the fashion of Jinyoung's time, but Mark can tell overly-expensive shit when he sees it.  
  
"You got a new shirt?"  
  
"Mm-hmm, designer," Jinyoung stretches his arms out before him so the skin-tight, white material on the sleeves shimmers ever so slightly under the light. (Mark makes a mental note to get Jinyoung into some more twenty-first-century-acceptable clothing before they even think about leaving the house today.) "Jaebum bought it for me."  
  
Mark pulls a face like he thinks Jaebum is crazy. "Wasn't it expensive?"  
  
"Stupidly expensive," Jinyoung nods seriously, then halfheartedly adds; "I told him not to buy it."  
  
Mark shakes his head in something like defeat. While it’s not uncommon for Jinyoung to charm free gifts out of some of the more easily swayed people he knows, Mark would never have imagined anyone spending this much. Evidently this Jaebum really _is_ crazy. "Do you get your friends to buy all of your stuff for you?"  
  
Jinyoung lets out a loud, obnoxious snort at the question and finally moves out of the way of the television to curl up beside Mark on the couch instead. Mark takes this opportunity to feel the material of Jinyoung's shirt — it's tough, but still totally smooth on the surface. It practically feels like it's been pasted onto Jinyoung's skin, there's not a seam to be found, and it makes Mark uncomfortable for reasons he can’t quite place. All he knows is that, whatever materials they're using in the future, Mark's glad he doesn't have it yet.  
  
"I buy my own stuff," Jinyoung says matter-of-factly, bringing Mark's attention swiftly back to the issue at hand. "This was just special."  
  
The statement brings a cheeky twinkle to Mark’s eye and he grins teasingly, spotting the chance to make fun and taking it with both hands. "Or maybe Jaebum just thinks _you're_ special."  
  
It was intended as a baseless joke, but the way Jinyoung rolls his eyes exasperatedly shows that Mark must have hit home somewhere. "He doesn't," Jinyoung says firmly, and with the air of someone who has dealt with this accusation far too many times. "Not any more."  
  
"Any more?" Mark echoes, one eyebrow raising in question.  
  
Jinyoung heaves a sigh like having to explain this is physically exhausting him, scrunching up his nose in mild disgust as he does so just so Mark is clear of Jinyoung’s feelings on the matter. "Jaebum used to have feelings for me, a long time ago. I didn't feel the same way, though, and he got over it. No big deal, now; we're just friends."  
  
Mark frowns at that, suspicion creeping up on him even though he knows he trusts Jinyoung completely. "Are you sure Jaebum knows you're just friends? I mean, I wouldn't class you as the kind of person you can just _get over_ , and I know I wouldn't buy stuff like that shirt for any of my friends."  
  
"That's because your friends all suck," Jinyoung retorts matter-of-factly, "and they're boring. Besides, if you're feeling threatened by Jaebum then maybe you should step it up with the presents, big guy!" He gives Mark a cheeky smirk and gets up to go and make himself a drink in the kitchen.  
  
Mark just laughs at him, swatting at Jinyoung’s butt as he goes and replying; "Alright, fine! I'll buy you a bagel from McDonald's tomorrow — that's how much I love you!"  
  
"What, that empire hasn't fallen yet?" Jinyoung shouts back, and Mark's expression turns to one of bewilderment.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
The next times Jinyoung comes back to Mark, he’s full of excitement. Apparently Jaebum’s made a breakthrough in their ‘research’, and he thinks he knows a way for Jinyoung to be able to stay in one time permanently. He thinks he’s figured out all of the answers Mark and Jinyoung have been looking for for so long—  
  
Jaebum just won’t tell Jinyoung anything about it.  
  
“But if he knows, why won’t he share it with you?” Mark asks indignantly, but he makes a point of keeping his voice down because they’re in the middle of a busy supermarket. Mark doesn’t want to draw too much attention to himself and Jinyoung, just in case Jinyoung happens to suddenly disappear again.  
  
Jinyoung just shrugs helplessly. “Because he doesn’t want to get our hopes up? I don’t know”  
  
“Then why would he say anything in the first place?!”  
  
“ _I don’t know_ , Mark,” Jinyoung reiterates firmly, “just… Just trust him, okay? Jaebum’s a good guy and a good friend; he doesn’t want anything but the best for us.”  
  
_For us or for you?_ Mark thinks bitterly, but he doesn’t say anything. It would only piss Jinyoung off and make Mark look bad. After all, Mark’s never met Jaebum in the flesh. He could be a lot less creepy and conniving than Mark is imagining in his head—who knows? Maybe Jaebum is genuinely intent on helping them.  
  
Maybe.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
“Do you think friends can go out and get drunk together and make bad decisions but have it be no big deal, because they were drunk?”  
  
The question comes late on a Tuesday night, weeks after their mini-tiff in the supermarket. Mark is in the bathroom, towel-drying his hair after a shower and getting ready for bed. Jinyoung’s already under the covers, splayed out on the double bed and staring up at the ceiling miserably. He’s been miserable ever since he appeared an hour or so ago, but he won’t tell Mark why and, after what must be a thousand tries by now, Mark knows he won’t get anywhere by asking any more.  
  
So, Mark tries to coax Jinyoung’s mood up by being cheerful himself, which is the reason behind his playful tone as Mark leans against the bathroom door frame and replies; “Of course. What do you think I do while you’re not here?”  
  
But Jinyoung doesn’t laugh.  
  
He doesn’t react at all, and Mark feels a heaviness in his entire body. This is useless — he hates seeing Jinyoung in a bad mood like this, but he hates it even more when Jinyoung won’t even tell him why.  
  
They don’t keep things from each other like this, and Mark doesn’t know what to think now that Jinyoung clearly is.  
  
“What’s the matter, Jin?” Mark asks, tiredly. “What’s happened?”  
  
Jinyoung closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh. He must hear the defeat in Mark’s voice, because he finally gives in and mutters; “Me and Jaebum went out last night.” There’s a beat of silence in which Jinyoung waits for Mark to say something, and Mark feels like he’s been dumped into a bath of ice water. Like he’s gone numb.  
  
He can’t even speak, which he knows is ridiculous because Jinyoung hasn’t actually said anything incriminating yet. But in his head, Mark is seeing pictures of Jaebum—of some _monster_ —taking Jinyoung and pouring poison down his throat until he can barely walk, barely remember himself and then- all Mark can think of then is that Jaebum has- Jaebum will have—  
  
“What happened?”  
  
Jinyoung shrugs, like he doesn’t think it should be a big deal but deep down he knows it is. “Well, he told me that he knew how I could stay in your time. It was late, though, so he didn’t want to talk about it then and we went out for drinks instead. I had too much—we both did—one thing led to another and… We kissed. That was it, nothing- nothing more than that, but it happened. I don’t remember who moved first, it could have been either of us, but I… I left, right away.” Another silence. Jinyoung still has his eyes closed, hasn’t moved from his position on the bed. Mark hasn’t moved either, just keeps watching from the bathroom doorway and he still feels kind of sick in his heart but he’s so fucking _thankful_ that what actually happened isn’t nearly as horrific as what Mark was imagining. Jinyoung doesn’t know what Mark is thinking, though, and the silence is deafening — the next time Jinyoung speaks, it’s in a voice that’s small and scared and even sadder than before. “I’m so sorry, Mark.”  
  
Mark shakes his head. “It’s okay.” Jinyoung still doesn’t move. Just from his body language Mark can tell how disgusted he is with himself. “Is this,” Mark clears his throat, “is this gonna cause... Issues...?”  
  
“No,” Jinyoung replies immediately, sitting up then and looking Mark in the eye. “It didn’t mean a thing, I swear. We were both drunk, we didn’t know what we were doing. It’ll never happen again, Mark, I promise you. I’m so sorry.”  
  
“Okay,” Mark says, but it doesn’t sound quite right and he can tell that Jinyoung thinks so too.  
  
Jinyoung thinks he hasn’t been forgiven.  
  
“I’ll sleep on the sofa,” he murmurs, getting to his feet off the bed and heading for the door to the living room without looking at Mark even once.  
  
Mark doesn’t even have time to think before he’s stepping forwards and winding his arms around Jinyoung’s body, trapping him there in Mark’s embrace. Jinyoung surrenders to him immediately and completely, grasping Mark’s hands and holding on so tightly that Mark is afraid to even consider letting go.  
  
They share their bed that night, like they always do, and Mark doesn’t love Jinyoung any less for what happened. He trusts Jinyoung, believes him when he says he’s sorry.  
  
Im Jaebum, though, still seems to Mark like a monster lurking in the shadows, waiting to snatch Jinyoung’s heart away, and there’s nothing Mark can do to stop him.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
“Mark?”  
  
He’s woken one night a day or two later by Jinyoung’s quiet voice and cold hands prying the quilt out from Mark’s grip, silently begging to join him. It’s unexpected — Jinyoung flashed back to his own time just a few hours ago, and it usually takes much longer than this for him to return — but Mark isn’t complaining. He’s not one to argue with a good thing, and, no matter what the circumstances are, Mark is happy that Jinyoung is here. The bed always seems so much colder without him, and the mornings are even worse.  
  
So Mark opens his arms to Jinyoung immediately, eyes still heavy with sleep. When Jinyoung curls up beside him, Mark’s ready to drift off again, but then he wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s body and feels how tense he is. How… _Angry_.  
  
Mark’s tiredness dissolves almost instantly. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“I was wrong about Jaebum,” Jinyoung murmurs, too many emotions running through his voice for Mark to pick out only one. Mark just knows that he’s never heard Jinyoung like this before, and he hates it.  
  
“What did he do?” Mark asks gently, forbidding himself to even imagine the possibilities because he knows that none of the shadowy monsters that will immediately go speeding through his head will be at all pleasant to see.  
  
Jinyoung takes a deep breath, sliding down the bed to burrow his nose into Mark’s chest so his voice is ever so slightly muffled when he speaks. Mark can still understand every word, though, and he swears he feels his heart stop when Jinyoung says; “He asked me to stay with him, in my time. He said… He reckons he loves me. Has done for years, apparently. He asked me not to come back to you again.”  
  
Mark’s arms tighten around Jinyoung instinctively, swallowing the urge to snap “ _he can’t have you_ ” because it’s not his place and it’s not his decision to make. Mark doesn’t even try to hide the fear in his voice, though, when he asks; “What did you say?”  
  
Jinyoung scoffs, but there’s no joy in the sound. “What do you think I said? I’m here, aren’t I?”  
  
There is a long silence as Mark waits for his heartbeat to calm down and allows Jinyoung to get a hold of himself. This has hurt him, it’s clear, and as much as Mark doesn’t like Jaebum (now never will) he’s always known how much his friendship means to Jinyoung. For Jaebum to ask something like this from Jinyoung— for Jaebum to make Jinyoung choose between his lover and his best friend...  
  
Mark can’t even imagine what Jinyoung must be feeling right now.  
  
“He was lying about what he said,” Jinyoung mutters, finally moving back again so he can speak clearly. Through the darkness, Mark can see the way Jinyoung keeps furiously blinking away the tears that threaten to fall, can see that Jinyoung won’t meet his gaze. He’s never been good at showing his weaknesses. “About- about the cure, about how he thought he knew a way for me to stay here, he… He made it all up. I don’t know why. I don’t know why he’d do it, I don’t know why he lied, I-” Jinyoung cuts off to take three deep breaths then, forcing himself to remain calm, jaw clenched. Mark waits patiently and silently, reaching for Jinyoung’s hands under the covers and holding them tight. Eventually, all Jinyoung manages to finish with is: “I think we need to find someone else to help us.”  
  
Then he turns away, slips his hands out of Mark’s grip and doesn’t talk any more. Mark doesn’t try to touch him, nor does he ask to know anything else about what happened. What would be the point? Jaebum is gone, now, and Jinyoung is still left stranded in between two worlds with no way of making himself stay in either.  
  
Jaebum is gone, now, and so are all the hopes Mark didn’t even realise he’d had riding on him.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
Months pass by and nothing changes.  
  
Jinyoung keeps flashing from one time to another, but this time there’s never any news about possible cures when he returns to Mark. Mark had thought that Jinyoung was searching for someone else, someone new that could help them, but after a while he starts to think that perhaps that’s not the case. Perhaps there’s no point even looking any more — it’s been years since they started trying to fix this problem, after all, and never has anyone other than Im Jaebum stepped forwards to help them. Perhaps Jinyoung has given up hope that they ever will find anyone.  
  
Perhaps it’s time for Mark to give up, too.  
  
They don’t talk about it. They hardly even acknowledge it any more; they just live on, day by day, and sometimes Jinyoung is there and sometimes he is not. Some memories Jinyoung just isn’t a part of, in Mark’s life, and Mark has come to realise that that’s the same for everything that happens in Jinyoung’s world as well.  
  
Every moment they share feels like something rare and precious these days, and neither Mark nor Jinyoung plan on wasting even one.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
Jinyoung is all that matters, to Mark. He’s all that’s ever mattered.  
  
Since they were children, it seems, the pair of them have been like puzzle pieces, perfectly matched. They complete each other — Mark fills the spaces between Jinyoung’s fingers when their hands are intertwined and Jinyoung fills Mark’s life with colour. He makes everything brighter, happier, and Mark has never thought of himself as an unhappy person but he knows that nothing beautiful ever really looks as good whenever Jinyoung isn’t here.  
  
Jinyoung everything Mark has ever wanted, and Mark loves him more than he could ever explain. So instead Mark tries to show Jinyoung how he feels, whenever he can. He always holds Jinyoung a little tighter, kisses him a little more sweetly and, in bed, Mark always tries to love Jinyoung in the best way. Jinyoung likes it kind of slow, gentle, and Mark is only too happy to do that for him.  
  
But this time, tonight, it’s different when they fuck; desperately, and with all the passion in their bodies. Tonight Jinyoung climbs over Mark’s body and rides him like he means it, like there’s something to prove—and it’s quite possibly the best night of Mark’s life, but the specifics of those parts aren’t what he remembers in the end.  
  
What stays with him, for months and years after the night has passed, is the way Jinyoung kisses him when it’s all over. He’s still hovering over Mark’s middle, both of them naked and sweaty and gasping for breath, but that doesn’t stop Jinyoung from leaning down to give Mark a deep, desperate kiss. There’s something in it that almost seems wrong, out of place, but Mark can’t figure out what on earth that could be until Jinyoung collapses onto the bed beside him and breathes; “I want to stay.”  
  
Mark turns his head to face him. “What do you mean?”  
  
“Here,” Jinyoung says, a painful rawness in his voice that’s damn near heartbreaking. “Now, with you. I don’t want to leave again, Mark, I want to stay right here with you forever, no matter what-”  
  
“You can,” Mark tells him.  
  
“I can’t.”  
  
“No, we can do this, Jin—we can figure out-”  
  
“I’m leaving.”  
  
“Jinyoung-”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
Then he’s gone, disappears in the exact same way he has been doing since the day Mark first met him. It feels different this time, though; it hurts more now than it ever has before, because Mark knows that this is nothing that either of them want, but still they are both powerless to stop it.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
Jinyoung doesn’t come back for almost two months.  
  
Mark has been trying to remain calm for that time, reassure himself that there is probably nothing wrong with Jinyoung — maybe he’s just caught a stomach bug and it’s messing with his travelling — and that he’ll soon be back here, safe with Mark. Mark’s been under the impression that he’s done a good job _being_ calm, too, but he doesn’t try to pretend that he isn’t overcome with relief when he’s walking home from work and sees Jinyoung making his way down the pavement towards him.  
  
Jinyoung seems to be watching, waiting for Mark to notice him and when Mark does Jinyoung grins. He motions for Mark to go towards him and speeds up his own pace, too, so that when they meet in the middle they practically slam into a tight, _tight_ hug.  
  
“Holy shit, Jin, where’ve you been?” Mark steps back again with a breathy, almost incredulous laugh. “It’s been _months_.”  
  
“I know, I’m sorry,” Jinyoung says, but he doesn’t sound sorry at all. In fact, he’s incredibly excited, practically buzzing when he tugs Mark closer and quietly murmurs; “I’ve found someone to help us.”  
  
Mark’s eyes go wide. “Are you serious?!”  
  
Jinyoung just grins and nods in quick little jerks, like his pure elation is sending him a little bit crazy. “It’s a whole team of people— they’ve got all these drugs for me to try and they’ve come up with ways to try and control the flashes psychologically and… It’s just _amazing_ Mark, I wish you could meet them all.”  
  
“That’s incredible!” Mark laughs, loud and happy and Jinyoung kisses him and Mark squeezes Jinyoung into an even tighter hug than before and they’re laughing and this is exactly what they need. Science, solutions—these people are going to figure out how to fix all of their problems and finally they’ll be together for real. Finally, everything is going to be _right_.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
At first, after Jinyoung starts working with this new team of people in his own time, all that happens is that his visits to Mark's world become much more sporadic.  
  
Now, it's not like there was ever a real pattern to Jinyoung's travelling before, but Mark could at least guess when to expect him and how long he might stay for. These days, though, there's really no telling; Jinyoung could arrive one moment just to disappear again a minute later, or he could spend days and _days_ with Mark. He shows up at any old time, as well, with unpredictable absences in between each flash.  
  
Jinyoung says this is normal, though.  
  
He says that he's taking all sorts of drugs and doing all these classes and he keeps being hooked up to various machines to try and figure this out—he says that the people working with him did say his travelling habits might change as a result. This is normal, Jinyoung promises, and Mark doesn't see any reason not to trust in his judgement.  
  
It's not a problem when Jinyoung leaves, anyway — it's not like Mark doesn't know how to be alone.  
  
Jinyoung is still around reasonably regularly at first, so Mark doesn't notice that he's been losing weight for a long while. It's only when Jinyoung shows up in the middle of the kitchen one day after a good month or so of being away that Mark really spots how thin he's getting, and his eyes widen in alarm. “On a diet, Jin?"  
  
Jinyoung frowns at him questioningly. "No...?"  
  
"You're _really_ skinny — what are they doing to you over there?" Mark asks, reaching out to touch Jinyoung's gaunt-looking face worriedly but his hand gets batted away.  
  
"Oh, that. It's fine, don’t worry; just a side effect," Jinyoung waves him off nonchalantly, brushing past Mark and heading towards the bedroom so he can change into something more suitable to this time.  
  
Mark follows him, still frowning. "Right… But- what did you call those drugs they're giving you?"  
  
"I didn't," Jinyoung replies, grabbing the first shirt he spots in the drawer and pulling the one he’s currently wearing off. He looks even thinner underneath, ribs and hip bones standing out more than they ever have before. "You don't have it here yet. New invention; can't tell you."  
  
"Alright, but what does it _do_?"  
  
Jinyoung pulls the new shirt over his head before fixing Mark with a knowing look. "Mark."  
  
Mark just raises his eyebrows back, almost like a challenge. "What?"  
  
"I know what you're doing," Jinyoung tells him, "but you don't need to worry, seriously. These guys are really smart - they know what they're doing."  
  
Mark pulls a face as Jinyoung slips past him again, this time going for the living room. Once again, Mark trails after him. "Yeah, so you keep saying. But I really don't think it's healthy that you've lost so much weight so quickly."  
  
"You're overreacting-"  
  
"No, Jinyoung- you look _ill_ -"  
  
"This is going to stop the travelling," Jinyoung says firmly, turning to face Mark with a serious look and raising his voice to drown out any more objections. "This is going to let me stay here with you, forever. Isn't that what you want? This way, I won't ever have to leave you again."  
  
"You can't leave if you're never here in the first place," Mark retorts irritably - a comment that he would instantly regret if not for the sudden flash that appears to whip Jinyoung away right in the middle of Mark's sentence. It's almost as if the universe wants to prove that Mark is right, and is proceeding to rub Mark's face in it.  
  
Mark lets out a heaving sigh of defeat. Suddenly these solutions seem like nightmares waiting to happen, and he is powerless to stop them.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
It’s only two or three months later when Jinyoung’s condition really gets scary.  
  
They’re asleep. Jinyoung has been away for a while, this time, and it’s been so long since they’ve shared a bed but Mark is scared to even touch him in case Jinyoung just breaks. The man, the body that Mark is used to, that he knows so well is long gone; now, Jinyoung is all sharp angles and thin skin — Mark can see most of his ribs protruding with just a glance in Jinyoung’s direction, and he doesn’t think he ever really understood the phrase ‘ _you’re just skin and bones_ ’ until he has to stop himself from saying it to Jinyoung that evening when he appears.  
  
_It’s normal_ Jinyoung insists, again, but this time Mark doesn’t even try to believe him, and he settles down to sleep that night with worry pressing down heavily on his chest.  
  
Mark is woken at first by shaking on Jinyoung’s side of the bed. By sharp, jerky movements followed by the sickening sound of someone choking to death. Mark is up immediately, straining his eyes through the darkness only to see Jinyoung in a terrifying state, his whole body convulsing as his half-opened eyes roll blindly in his head.  
  
Mark panics. He grabs Jinyoung by the shoulders, starts trying to shake him awake but that doesn’t help—if anything, Mark thinks the seizures get worse, and with each passing second the attack is getting more violent. When it’s clear that Jinyoung won’t wake up when Mark yells his name either (two, three, twenty times Mark yells it but still the convulsing body doesn’t come back to life) Mark scrabbles on the bedside table for his mobile instead, trying in vain to hold Jinyoung down as he dials 999.  
  
By the time he gets through to the operator, Mark’s a mess. He’s on the verge of tears and he can’t control himself enough to explain anything more than, “my boyfriend- he’s- oh God- he’s having a fit- I don’t know what to do- please help me he’s- oh God, oh please-”  
  
The lady on the other end of the line is talking in a calm, authoritative voice, asking Mark to take deep breaths, just tell her where he lives, she can have an ambulance right there, _don’t hang up the phone, alright? Do you understand me, sir?_ And Mark is trying to get the words out, still holding onto Jinyoung’s body for dear life when there’s suddenly a burst of bright, white light and he’s gone.  
  
The room is completely empty, silent except for the sound of Mark’s hysterical, terrified breathing and the woman’s voice in his phone asking “ _Are you still there, sir? Stay with me, we can help you, we can_ -”  
  
“It’s over,” Mark interrupts her, with a voice that doesn’t sound anything like his own. He can’t stop staring at the spot Jinyoung was lying in. He’s waiting, like he expects Jinyoung to come back, but somehow Mark knows he won’t. “It’s stopped now.”  
  
“ _Sir, what do you mean? Has your partner’s condition stabilised?_ ” the operator asks, and Mark’s throat is tight and painful as he swallows.  
  
He doesn’t know the answer. Jinyoung is gone. “Yes.”  
  
“ _Is his breathing rate back to normal? Heart rate?_ ”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“ _That’s good, sir, it’s a good sign. But I think you should still take him to a hospital for medical attention immediately—judging by your call I’m guessing this isn’t a regular occurrence?_ ”  
  
Mark isn’t even listening to her any more, can’t even offer her a real answer. “Mm.”  
  
“ _Are you alright to take him, sir? If not the ambulance should be with you shortly-_ ”  
  
“It’s fine, thank you,” Mark mumbles numbly, hanging up before she can say anything more.  
  
He sits back on the bed. Falls, really, and slumps against the headboard. The room is still pitch black apart from the blinking, green light of the digital clock that they have mounted on the wall. 3am.  
  
Mark waits until sunrise, but Jinyoung does not come back.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
Mark doesn’t go to work that day, and he doesn’t sleep either. When Jinyoung finally returns again hours— _hours_ —later (pale as a ghost, thin and sickly and looking like he can barely manage to carry his own weight — a dead man walking) it’s to find Mark sat like some kind of zombie, at the breakfast table.  
  
There are signs that he’s at least tried to cope since Jinyoung disappeared; he’s wearing his dressing gown and there’s a mug full of tea or coffee sitting before him. But the drink is untouched and has long since gone cold, and even if Jinyoung hadn’t noticed this then the expression on Mark’s face when he first sees Jinyoung is enough to know.  
  
Mark hasn’t been coping. He isn’t coping.  
  
“I thought you’d died.” Are the first words to come out of Mark’s mouth and they damn near break Jinyoung’s heart. Mark’s voice is hoarse, no doubt from crying, and he looks like he’s about to break down again any second now.  
  
Jinyoung trembles with his own restrained emotion as he responds; “I know. That’s why I had to come back—they wanted me to stay back in my time, they don’t think travelling is safe in my condition-”  
  
“You can’t do this any more. We can’t do this.”  
  
“Mark, _please_ -”  
  
“ _Jinyoung_ ,” Mark’s voice cracks here and Jinyoung swears he feels his heart do the same. “It’s _killing you_.”  
  
Jinyoung knows. He knows, and he can see that it’s killing Mark, too.  
  
He can’t give up, though. Not now, not when he’s come so far already. The pain will be worth it in the end. It has to be.  
  
“I want to be with you.” Is all Jinyoung offers in response and that’s when Mark starts to sob, wretched and angry and painful. It takes a good few moments for him to gain enough control to speak again, and when he does his words are full of venom. Desperation. Misery.  
  
“ _I’m not worth it_.”  
  
“Mark-”  
  
“It’s not worth it- nothing, none of this is worth what is happening to you,” Mark continues, voice raised, both hands on the table and balled into fists so tight that his knuckles have gone white. “I won’t let you do it- I won’t let you change time for me, Jin. It’s not enough- it’s not worth your _life_.”  
  
To that, Jinyoung says nothing. There’s so much he wants to say, so many words to try and explain how he feels, but he knows there’s no point. Mark won’t believe him — he won’t believe that the love they have is enough for Jinyoung, that he’s willing to die for it if it means they have even the slightest chance of being together.  
  
Mark would never let him say that — would never let Jinyoung die for him — so Jinyoung doesn’t speak a word. It’s only when Jinyoung feels that familiar sensation in his gut, the warning sign that he’s come to recognise after so many years, that he opens his mouth again, breath shaking.  
  
“I’m going, Mark. I’m going to flash—it’s coming now.”  
  
Suddenly all of Mark’s anger is gone and he’s on his feet, reaching for Jinyoung desperately with tears still falling down his cheeks. “No, Jin, please-”  
  
“I love you.”  
  
“I love you too, Jinyoung- please, _please_ don’t go-”  
  
“I’m sorry, Mark. I’m so sorry.”  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
Jinyoung comes back a day later, looking somewhat rested and stronger and for one glorious moment Mark thinks he’s coming back for good. Jinyoung has finally stopped the treatment, is finally going to give up on this suicide mission and they can go back to how they were before.  
  
Jinyoung comes back and Mark thinks their suffering is finally over, but then Jinyoung speaks and Mark’s world comes crashing down around him once and for all.  
  
“I’m not coming back here again,” Jinyoung says calmly, seriously, like he’s rehearsed it. “Not for a long time.”  
  
Mark takes a deep breath in. He’s shaking. “Why not?”  
  
“I’m going to figure out my travelling,” Jinyoung says in the same careful, practised manner. He won’t look Mark in the face, now, though. He won’t look at Mark at all. “I’m going to go back to my time and I’m going to figure out how this works and I’m going to fix it. I’m not coming back until I’m better, I won’t- I’m- I’m gonna stay away from you as much as I can. So I can’t hurt you any more.”  
  
Mark wants to scream at him. Wants to demand what this is, if Jinyoung isn’t hurting him? Wants to rip open his chest and make Jinyoung see how completely wrecked he’s become, but of course he can’t. This choice isn’t his to make.  
  
Instead of shouting, then, Mark just swallows around the lump in his throat and asks quietly; “How long?”  
  
Jinyoung is silent for a moment. Eventually he just shrugs, still staring at the floor, the walls, anything but the pitiful man before him. “A year. Probably more.” Mark’s breath hitches in the beginnings of a sob but he manages to contain it, and the apartment is still once more before Jinyoung continues; “I don’t expect you to wait for me. Not for so long— I don’t want you to, either.”  
  
And, as impossible as it seems right now, Mark laughs. It’s an awful sound; hollow and empty and so, so miserable, like he’s mourning for a love he hasn’t even lost yet. But he will. He’s merely seconds away, and he knows it.  
  
Mark laughs, and finally Jinyoung meets his gaze as he says; “I’ll wait anyway. No matter how hard I try to stop, I’ll always be waiting for you to come home. You know I will.”  
  
And Jinyoung says nothing because, as much as he doesn’t want it to be, he knows it’s true. They both do, because that’s just the way things are.  
  
Jinyoung leaves and Mark waits.  
  
He always waits.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
Months pass and Jinyoung doesn’t come back.  
  
Mark knew he wouldn’t, of course; Jinyoung was serious when they last met, and Mark knew Jinyoung meant it when he said that that would be the end of their story, for now. But still, there is a part of Mark that keeps hoping Jinyoung will just give up and come home to him, because there’s still an aching in Mark’s chest whenever he wakes up alone, still a part of him that scans every crowd in search of a face and a smile that Mark knows, he _knows_ he won’t get to see.  
  
He misses him. Mark misses Jinyoung so, so much and he doesn’t know how to stop even if he knows that the whole thing is pointless because Jinyoung isn’t coming back.  
  
Jinyoung is not coming back.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
There are others, sometimes.  
  
Mark won’t pretend he doesn’t try to let Jinyoung go, after years have started to pass and there is still no change. He goes on the dates that his friends hook him up with (they all knew about Jinyoung but not the travelling, of course, so the story they’re told is that Mark and Jinyoung have just broken up. Fell out with each other, fell out of love… It’s over, that’s all, and they stop asking about him quickly) and he tries to meet new people of his own accord, as well. Sometimes it works, but mostly it doesn’t.  
  
There’s always something missing. Something that Mark keeps looking for but can never find in these men he meets, something that Mark knows he’s had once before but he can’t have it now because it’s gone, Jinyoung is gone and- _and_ —  
  
The closest Mark gets to anything even remotely like _moving on_ is Kim Yugyeom.  
  
Yugyeom is young (quite a few years younger, actually, but you wouldn’t be able to tell just from looking at him) and inexperienced, but he’s sweet and clearly besotted with Mark from practically the moment Yugyeom lays eyes on him.  
  
Mark has no idea why.  
  
The day they meet isn’t one of Mark’s best; it’s only a few days after what would have been Jinyoung’s birthday, and Mark is miserable. He goes out shopping with his sister that day, only because she’s in town and he’d already promised he would beforehand, but Mark doesn’t put in any effort to have fun at all. He’s too wrapped up in his misery to even notice Yugyeom at first, when he approaches Mark shyly in some vintage record shop.  
  
Mark doesn’t even know why he came in here; it was Jinyoung’s favourite place to go and Mark’s been avoiding it ever since Jinyoung left, but something drew him in that Mark can’t explain. This turns out to be Yugyeom’s favourite shop too, apparently, and that’s what he opens with; awkward and blushing ever so slightly in his shyness. Mark is in no mood to chat, let alone flirt, but he’s not cruel enough to brush Yugyeom off and so they get to talking.  
  
Somehow Mark leaves the shop with Yugyeom’s phone number and a date next Friday, even though he’s not all too sure he wants to go at all. In the end, though, Mark shows up anyway.  
  
It’s not a big deal; just a lunch date at one of the nice cafés near the town square, and Yugyeom is really lovely. The conversation isn’t particularly riveting but it’s flowing nonetheless, and Mark starts thinking that he might actually be enjoying himself here, but that’s when he looks up and thinks he sees—  
  
Mark _swears_ he catches a glimpse of—  
  
“Jinyoung.”  
  
The name passes Mark’s lips involuntarily, barely more than a whisper, but Yugyeom hears him anyway and looks up in confusion. “Sorry?” Yugyeom asks, but Mark is already gone.  
  
He darts out of his seat and practically runs for the crowd of people he’s _certain_ that Jinyoung just disappeared into, but when he fights his way through all the way to the other end of the square, there’s nothing. No Jinyoung, and Mark realises with a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach that Jinyoung was probably never even here in the first place.  
  
For a long time, Mark can do nothing but stand there. He feels numb. He’s imagined Jinyoung thousands of times, sees his face everywhere he goes, but Mark’s never been so sure about it before.  
  
It’s never hit him so hard that Jinyong really isn’t here any more, and at this point Mark is probably never going to see him again.  
  
It takes a long time before Mark suddenly realises that he just left his date without any kind of explanation, and he heads back to the café immediately. But as soon as he sees Yugyeom still sitting there, still waiting, Mark knows that he can’t do this. He can’t drag Yugyeom into this mess; it’s just not fair.  
  
Mark makes sure he’s out of sight, hidden behind the corner of a nearby building, but he can still see Yugyeom as Mark pulls out his mobile and makes the call. Yugyeom picks up almost instantly.  
  
“ _Hello? Mark?_ ”  
  
Mark grimaces guiltily at the relief in Yugyeom’s voice. “Yeah, it’s me. I-”  
  
“ _Hey, what happened to you?_ ” Yugyeom laughs, and Mark wishes he wouldn’t. “ _I’ve never seen anyone move so fast—did you see something?_ ”  
  
“I thought I did,” Mark admits, then clears his throat and continues in the most apologetic voice he can muster; “Look, Yugyeom, I’m really sorry about this but something’s come up. I can’t finish our date and we… We probably shouldn’t try this again. I’m sorry, really; I’m just not in the right place to be dating right now. Do you know what I mean? It’s not you.”  
  
“ _Oh- yeah! Definitely! Yeah, don’t worry about it,_ ” Yugyeom’s cheerful tone doesn’t match his expression one bit. Mark almost regrets coming back to see him like this. “ _I guess I’ll, uh… I’ll see you around, huh?_ ”  
  
“I hope so,” Mark tells him. He’s not completely sure whether it’s true or not. “Bye, Yugyeom.”  
  
“ _See you!_ ” Yugyeom says brightly, then hangs up, but Mark doesn’t miss how he mutters _asshole_ at the phone immediately after.  
  
Mark sighs, decides that he probably deserves that one, and walks back home alone once more.  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
It would be easier, Mark thinks sometimes, if Jinyoung had just left when he said he would.  
  
If Jinyoung had just gone and cut himself out of Mark’s life completely, Mark thinks, none of this would hurt so much. But Jinyoung didn’t do that. There are still, even now, parts of him left strewn about the apartment; in the millions of ugly mugs that Jinyoung used to insist were absolutely adorable; in the lingering smell of his aftershave from the time Jinyoung spilled the entire bottle in the bathroom cabinet; in the side of the bed that Mark still can’t bring himself to sleep on, like he expects Jinyoung to come back and reclaim it in the middle of the night.  
  
There are little bits of Jinyoung everywhere, always, and Mark would hate these splintered reminders of him with all his heart if only he knew that Jinyoung didn’t love him. If only Jinyoung had ended it, if only they’d had that closure then Mark thinks he would have moved on by now.  
  
But he can’t.  
  
He can’t, because the sharpest fragments of Jinyoung’s memory have cut into Mark’s body the deepest. He can’t, because Jinyoung might still be out there somewhere. Because he might still love Mark too, and he could prove it if only they had the chance to be together again. Because Mark still loves Jinyoung, and he can’t stop praying that, one day, he’ll come home.  
  
( _It would be easier_ , Mark thinks, in his darkest times, _if Jinyoung had never even existed at all._ )  
  
  
  


∞

  
  
  
  
Four years later, Mark gets jerked awake in the middle of the night by an almighty crash from somewhere within his apartment. The kitchen, it sounds like, and Mark immediately rises from the bed, adrenaline pumping. He’s ready to fight this intruder, has 999 dialed on his mobile and ready to call at the touch of a button, but then Mark hears someone calling his name.  
  
For a moment, his heart stops.  
  
The voice calls out again and Mark steps out of the bedroom slowly, his phone still grasped tightly in his shaking hand. He’s breathing hard and his heart is hammering in his chest, so swollen with fear and wonder and disbelief and desperate, desperate hope that it’s almost too painful to stand.  
  
It seems like a lifetime before Mark reaches the kitchen doorway, and when he does he finds that the place is trashed.  
  
All of the plates and glasses that had been stood on the countertop have been knocked to the floor and smashed. It looks like a cupboard door has been broken, as well, and it’s going to cost more money than Mark has going spare to replace everything but suddenly Mark can’t bring himself to care because when he looks up he sees that there’s a man standing amongst the wreckage. A man who Mark could recognise anywhere, the man who Mark has been waiting for all this time and he- it’s-  
  
“Oh my god,” Jinyoung melts into tears at the same time Mark does, clinging on tight as Mark snatches Jinyoung up into a desperate hug.  
  
Jinyoung’s not like he used to be, when everything went wrong; he’s strong again, now, and full and beautiful and he’s Jinyoung, Jinyoung, _Jinyoung_ — Mark doesn’t even realise that he’s the one who keeps saying Jinyoung’s name over and over in broken sobs until Jinyoung finally shuts him up with a kiss.  
  
“You’re back?” Is all Mark can think to ask when they finally come up for air.  
  
Jinyoung just nods, cupping Mark’s face with his hands and staring at him like he can’t quite believe this is real. Mark knows the feeling. “Yeah, I- it’s over, Mark. It worked— they’ve stopped my travelling completely. They had to send me here with some machine so I can’t get back, I— I’m _staying_ , Mark. Forever.”  
  
This only serves to bring about a fresh round of tears for them both, and they kiss and they cry and they promise “ _I love you so much, all this time I’ve loved you_ ” until their voices are all worn out. Mark doesn’t need to hear it, though, and he doesn’t need to tell Jinyoung either because they know.  
  
They know that this, their love, is all either of them has ever wanted, and Mark never plans on letting Jinyoung go again.  
  
  
  
  


| _I thought of you  
And where you’ve gone  
And the world spins madly on_  
---  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
